Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
