Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
