She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
