i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
