Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
