Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
