I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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