This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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