If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
