Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
