you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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