hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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