I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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