I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
