I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
