as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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