I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
