In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
