shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
