we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
