I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
