Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
