Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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