so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize