He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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