If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My penis needs a shock collar
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
