Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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