C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
