I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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