he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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