I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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