I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hippo gnu deer
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
