Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Will exercising make me less horny?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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