took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
