Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize