Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
