Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
