I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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