So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
