i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
