Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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