new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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