I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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