hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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