Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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