Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
