maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
