just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
