I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
