real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
