Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
