just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
