She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
