Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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