thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
