WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
