he puts the penis in happiness.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
