Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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