Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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