i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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