Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
