dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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