I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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