he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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